Check this luck: I get home last night after 11pm and see there’s a flier taped next to the garage door. Assuming it’s some sale or menu item, I ignore it. Today I take Kevin Miller (aka Buddy the dog) for a walk. People are redoing the roads in the condo complex. We avoid the new roads but somehow Kevin Miller gets tar all up into the pads of both a front and back paw. I don’t notice this until we get home and he jumps up on the bed and smears it all up with the goo. This is just after I see that the flier says driving on the new asphalt will not be permitted until tomorrow. I have to leave for work in 20 minutes so I round up an orange-vested feller to explain my predicament. He asks around, checks out the smoothness of my tires, figures out a way for me to back out of the garage and pull out on a part that’s not quite done yet so that I won’t ruin their handiwork. I thank him and all of humanity. Then I turn the key in the ignition. My battery’s as dead as a very dead thing. I call out at work. And now I’m convinced that if I were to leave the house, something terrible will happen, and that God is protecting me from that terrible terrible thing.