This morning I baited the bullet with the silver spoon in my mouth…?…urm, so to speak…and after breakfast, while we were still at the table, I told Mom that although I had thought very seriously (and excitedly) about being a wildfirefighter (where to break that Koresh compound?), figuring that in many ways it would be the antidote I need (structure, responsibility & money after a drug addiction and activity, low stress & fun after an office job) and easier than the other (writing, recovery & rejuvenating) projects I had outlined for myself, that I probably really needed to put the horse before the cart and put away my pride by working on the latter.

I told her also that that would require some financial assistance from her in the form of a lump sum to pay off the rest of my debt and have some money to pay a monthly rock gym fee & whatnot, and that I would pay her back the amt she would have had if she’d left it invested.

She agreed w/ my thinking but would prefer to give me several hundred a month for awhile instead of all at once. Of course I want whatever’s best for her. She’ll look into it and get back to me.

Not that it was unexpected or ground-breaking, but that was a big step for me practically & emotionally.

And now for another big step I’d like to take soon (or maybe I should wait?) as expressed by Miss Frank on Wednesday, 5 January, 1944:

“I go into ecstasies every time I see the naked figure of a woman, such as Venus, for example. It strikes me as so wonderful and exquisite that I have difficulty in stopping the tears rolling down my cheeks.

If only I had a girl friend!”